The Cutest and Fuzziest Computer Program
Is the universe just a simulation? How can we describe everything we see with the shortest possible description length? Is it possible to write a “God program” which evaluates all other computer programs? What about our chances of building automated scientific reasoning with computer programs as hypotheses?
These kinds of questions had bothered me for such a long time that by February of 2017, I decided to resolve the problem of constructing such a “God program” once and for all, using nothing more than the bare untyped lambda calculus. Consequently, I put the following presentation together out of some kind of manic energy that I conjured while I was incredibly bored in my Programming Language Concepts class. The end result was by far the trippiest, most “whoa dude” talk that I had ever given up to that point. Take a gander for yourself:
As if the presentation itself was not trippy enough, I capped it off with the following “Sagan-esque” monologue which had a personal significance for me at the time:
“Before opening to questions, I want to sum up the “whoa dude” factor using my best imitation of the style of Carl Sagan.
Make no mistake, this talk had some close encounters with theology. I will state that I’m fine with whatever you believe, so long as it’s free of contradictions.
However, personally, the idea of a multiverse program is more comforting than that of an afterlife.
The gift of consciousness is much sweeter, knowing full well that it will one day end.
Take time to appreciate the smallest things, from the most mundane, like the texture of a tortilla chip, to the most meaningful, like the smell of your lover’s hair.
Know that these experiences, trivial as they are, will end.
But know that there is, out there, somebody just like you, up to a few minor differences after atom number 3 billion and 94 who will make the most of this limited existence.
I just want you to know that Everything there ever was Everything there could have been And Everything there might be Is there, somewhere in that infinite stream Just waiting to be evaluated”
I went on to give this talk several times during the history of Math Club due to its popularity, and also presented it at one of the regular meetings of the Ohio MAA chapter. This talk also out-lived my tenure at CWRU – sometime in the fall of 2019 [If I remember correctly], I was pleased to assist the new President Kienan Ahner-McHaffie in preparing for his own rendition of the talk. Out of all of the potential multiverses I may be a part of, I am particularly glad that this experience occurred on my own particular branch.